I used to think it was really cool that my family now spans four generations, from Gran’mom and Gran’mere down to Sierra, Izzy, Sam, Cate, and now Ali. And then I realized that it isn’t meaningful if the great-Grans and the little people never interact.
One of the obstacles is geography: Gran’mere is in Ohio, which is 1,200 miles from here. Sierra and Izzy have been there once, but Cate, Sam, and Ali have not yet. I aspire to fly the girls to Columbus sometime this year, but I can’t at all visualize how I would manage it.
Another obstacle is mental. When Gran’mom came to our house for Thanksgiving dinner in 2011, I was eager to introduce her to our new baby girls. I anticipated letting her hold and cuddle one of our tiny bundles, perhaps sitting on the couch. But Gran’mom recoiled when I tried to bring a baby near, insisting (incorrectly) that she would infect her with something. One of Sarah’s medications makes her nose run constantly, for as long as I can remember. But dementia leads her to believe that she’s contagious when she isn’t. I tried to reassure her that it was safe to greet the baby, but she was visibly uncomfortable being too near the babies, and I desisted.
Since then, I have broached the subject several times of bringing my daughters to visit her at Belmont. Every time, she has declined. At first, she said no outright, insisting that it wouldn’t be safe. Later, she softened her position to, “I don’t think so. Not yet, anyway.” Given that she is always startled when I refer to having children at all, it’s probably no surprise that she doesn’t jump at the chance to meet them.
But today we all went anyway. I needed to go see Sarah and transact several items over there, and I planned to go while the girls were napping at home with Claudia. But today involved precious little napping. They spent most of an hour declining to nap in the morning. So we had lunch and tried again, but they only napped for an hour. Rather than leaving them at home, I decided to take them with me, and I’m so glad that I did!
Despite Sarah’s past concerns over hosting babies, once real, live, toddler girls were actually in her room, she enjoyed them immensely. She waved back when they waved at her, and she reached out to touch them ever so gently. She also enjoyed watching them interact with Zachary, her cat, who is considerably more approachable than our Tibbs.
When I got out the laser pointer, I was amused to discover that Zachary wasn’t the only one motivated to chase the bright red dot around the carpet. But unlike Zachary, Sam detected in under a minute that I was controlling the dot and came over to investigate the object in my hand. Nice!
Sam also pushed Sarah’s rollator around a bit, and even climbed up and flipped over the top of it at one point. Sarah seemed fascinated to watch Cate, Zachary, and Sam all play together, and declared excitedly (at least a half dozen times) that, “this is the most action there’s been in here in… as long as I can remember!”
We also had cookies. I think Gran’mom was in her 80s before tea and cookies became a daily ritual. When I came to visit, she always shared them with a funny line about, “aren’t grandmothers supposed to provide cookies?” With her dementia, our roles are reversed and we (Jean, Chris, and I) bring cookies to her. Today we had oatmeal raisin cookies, and I decided to share them with our girls, too. They have never had cookies until now, and judging by the speed with which crumbs disappeared and small hands returned to fumble for more, they clearly met with approval.
It felt really weird to have my daughters and Gran’mom in the same room together, when I’m used to devoting my complete attention to one or the other. But I think all three of them enjoyed the visit, and seeing them interact with each other makes me very happy. I intend to get us all over there again in the not-too-distant future.
Sam
Gran’mom regarding a stuck Sam
Zachary regarding Sam with a bag of cookies
Cate with more cookies and Claudia
Bob and Gran’mom
