Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Speed blogging: gratuitous dig

Thursday, April 12th, 2012

Me, while tandem nursing: “Careful, babies. No hands in eyes. Because it’s 2:28 am and hands-in still sucks.”

LOL Tibbs: Secret caffeine addict?

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

Tibbs with tea mug
“I can has tea now, but I’s too tired to lift it.”

Firing off the Canon (in D)

Friday, January 15th, 2010

I doubt that I’ll listen to Green Day in quite the same way ever again.

Getting better

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

With September in the bank and summer officially over, it is probably time to take a moment to talk about something other than cycling. Maybe Bob will return to do that for us. While she’s out-posted me like 9 billion to one, it seems like I’ve been clogging the tubes in our corner of the interwebs. For me, September represented a bit of a watershed month. Despite heavy traveling in the back half, I managed to squeak out 607 miles from 8/31 to 9/29. I attempted two centuries, “completing” one. And I now know that the road outside the parking lot of the Target in Huntsville has a 5% grade. Good stuff, one and all.

More importantly, I’m getting back into a place mentally that I haven’t been in a long, long time. Perhaps the sun has finally cooked my brain into an early mid-life crisis, but I’m getting back into being athletic. I’ve got a LONG, LONG way to go (metaphorically and literally), but I’m starting to get there. It’s vaguely frightening. This weekend was the Raven Ride up in Huntsville and a BikeBarn ride at Haak Winery. The Raven Ride was a 65 mile tromp through the hills around Huntsville, and it was a blast. Hard work, but a lot of fun. Sunday was back to Flat Land and the coastal prairie in northern Galveston County.

On Sunday, I stopped to help a trio of women (Evelyn, Kathleen and Leslie) who were on Much Nicer bikes than I own, but who were having trouble removing the rear wheel from Kathleen’s bike, which had gone flat. I watched a half dozen riders ahead of me ask, “Need some help?” with the women saying, “Yes, we can’t get the wheel off,” but with the (male) riders then saying, “Okay!” and riding on. We get so caught up in rote interaction that when you actually get a meaningful answer, you can’t parse it.

I have this problem, oftentimes, with variations on “Have a nice day!” vs. “Have a nice flight!” vs. “Have a nice ride!”. I suppose there are worse things to fail at, mentally.

Fortunately for them, I caught the sight of them shaking a different wheel asking for help. So, I stopped and helped them fix their tire. I scraped my knuckles in the process, and I’m not sure that they would have been able to have fixed the tire given how I had to struggle to get the wheel on and off and the tire freed from the wheel (mental note: expensive time trial bikes are not road maintenance friendly…). To ensure QC, I rode with them for the next five miles or so. It also helped that they backed down a little bit. They were fast when they wanted to hammer.

In talking with one of them, she was surprised that I had only really gotten serious about cycling back in March and was very complimentary. At some point, they got chatty when the road got twisty, so I sped off rather than slow down to a more leisurely pace and insert myself into their ride.¬† It struck me, though, that while I am getting better as a cyclist, I am also becoming a cyclist. Talking to people on the road is easy (not straining for effort/oxygen), and I’ve even picked up some “road wisdom” to share with others. Along the way, I also find this video funny, but also with a touch of Truth to it:

Maybe I’ll get better?

Raising money for charity? It’s FAAN-tastic!

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

As many people know, I have done a number of charity bicycle rides this year, most notably the “MS150” from Houston La Grange to Austin just outside Bastrop. Taking part in these events is a bit curious. On the one hand, I do respect the people whose heart and souls go into the organizations and causes which we are nominally supporting. On the other hand, I just don’t care that much about things like low-cost spay and neutering services in Galveston County.

Don’t get me wrong. I definitely think that Paws and Puddles (the mascots of said organization and the eponymous ride) shouldn’t have free reign to create more little Paws and Puddles, but of all the things wrong in the world, this wouldn’t rise up to my level of consciousness if it weren’t for the fact that the organization put on a damn fine bike ride (cold, wet towels in 100 degree heat? Simply awesome!). So it goes. The more specialized the cause and the less I care about it, the better the event needs to be to draw my interest and my money. Apparently, some of my colleagues at Deloitte did not get that memo, since they sent me this one:

Are you interested in getting more involved in the community? What about networking with your colleagues? Getting some exercise? Then join the Deloitte team in participating in the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network’s Walk for Food Allergy: Moving Toward A Cure event on September 12, 2009, at Sam Houston Park in Houston, TX.

The more people walking and fundraising, the more we can help those who have food allergy. The event will raise funds to find a cure for food allergy and to educate others about its impact. Walk events are a fun, family-oriented way to raise support for FAAN, funds for research and education efforts, and awareness of food allergies. FAAN needs your support. Help make a difference in the lives of the estimated 12 million Americans who have food allergies. Join Team Deloitte!

If any of you food allergy suferers a) have ever heard of this organization, and b) would ever consider it swaying your decision to engage a professional services firm of any sort (let’s say beyond catering, that is), then I’d love to hear it in the comments.

So many things I could say, but just really shouldn’t.

So helpful, yet so acerbic

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

This really needs little in the way of introduction. Simply put:

You suck at Craigslist.

I’m really not sure anyone wants a douchound, and they certainly would not want to take it surfing with this.

More than melts the eye

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

So, we were watching Real Time with Bill Maher the other day, and Cameron Diaz was being interviewed. She mentioned going to go see what almost everyone with any ounce of a critical eye is calling the biggest POS movie of the year, possibly of all time (paraphrasing, of course). Of course, Cameron, being the clever observer of humanity that she is, mentioned that she was going to look at Megan Fox. Hmm. Perhaps if one prevented Michael Bay from hiring really attractive women for his movies, he might quit making money, and people might quit letting him direct. What a thought.

That being said, I do feel like I must offer equal time to those who might offer a contrary perspective on Transformers 2: Revenge of the Audience. Read it. The review might even change your perspective on the entire medium of cinema.

Linkage Here.

Video Fun, pt. 2 – I need a montage!

Monday, February 9th, 2009

I think that very few people actually know that about this time last year, I was actually signed up for the MS150 bike ride between Houston and Austin promoting Multiple Sclerosis. For those of you who don’t know what a “sclerosis” is, or why you would want to have more than one, as far as I know, MS is a disease that strikes bicyclists who ride for excessively long periods of time for charity. Symptoms include painful, reddened skin (potentially blistering), joint pain in the knees and ankles, difficulty walking, abrasions on the inner thighs, and tenderness in the pubic bone region. On further inspection, it actually seems like some form of social disease. Do I really want to help people like that out? Anyway, I’m signed up again for it, so I might as well just do it. Anything to help out the less fortunate,¬†right?

According to e-mails I get from people calling themselves “organizers” (I believe the medical term is “plague vectors” for this bicycling affliction, but I’m used to working with the less sophisticated), the key method of avoiding these symptoms is something called “training”. I have heard of this concept, but really, it only seems to be present in things called “gyms” or at something I think I remember from my distant past called “practice”. However, here in the present, we prefer a far more efficient method called a “montage”. Rather than spending time explaining it, I’ll let my friends Matt and Trey take care of that for me:

With just a couple of months left to go before the ride, I need some help from anyone that can help me get one of these “montage” things. I looked online, but it seems that I am not the only one needing a montage, and the few montages that I found, just don’t seem to involve me, a bicycle and a sudden resemblance to Lance Armstrong. If this keeps up, I may have to look back into that “training” thing. But darn, that would be really disappointing at this late date to have to change strategies. Can anyone help me out getting one of these things?

Oh, yeah, if you are planning to donate to the Multiple Sclerosis society, then feel free to use this convenient portal. It only takes a second, and you, too, could be helping to find a cure for excessively long bicycle riding!

Video Fun, pt. 1 (PG Porn)

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

So, let’s say that you are a male actor who has had a couple of bites at the “leading man” apple without a whole lot of success. Let’s say that your buddy producer/pimp, let’s call him “Joss”, then turns his attention to an all-female lead cast with his latest project after having killed off several of your co-workers in the movie finale to your short-lived series. What do you do? Well, there is always the other side of the Hollywood Hills, if you are man enough. Maybe no one will notice if you just do a few money shots, but to be safe, you may want to dip your toe in with a slightly safer project…

On a serious note, Spike TV, the artist formerly known as Turner Network Television (TNT), apparently commissioned some shorts under the guise of “PG Porn. For people who love everything about porn, except the sex”. Nathan Fillion, formerly of Firefly/Serenity, is the male lead in one of them, and the job he does acting like a bad porn actor is pretty hysterical. Oddly enough, it’s almost safe for work:

So this is what happens to Joss Whedon’s actors once Joss is done with them. So sad! In case you are curious, the other video in the series is a bit more risque. You can find it here.

Cat Fun, part 2 (aka Are you the slowest Wildebeest?)

Sunday, January 18th, 2009

Is your Tabby a little too tame? Do you wish your cat had better stalking, herding and other predatory instincts? Do you hate your plants? Have you run out of things on which to spend money? Well, a Bengal Cat could be right for you.

Imagine, your house pet could be only four generations removed from something that brought down antelope on the open veldt. What fun, what games, what absolute hilarity that might open up for you in your life! All in this easy-to-carry form factor.
Kinda small, ain't it?

The old saying that “curiosity killed the cat” did not mention the fate of the ficus, poinsettia, fern or other flora that happens to share your home. How cute would it be having a trio of these portable cuisinarts wandering around looking for things to turn into paste. How adorable!
One should eat what one kills...

While all of this may seem like too much for one household, you are just not expanding your mind enough. Given the COMPLETELY latent predatory nature of the cats and the rock-solid science and genetic engineering backgrounds of the breeders, there is absolutely no way that when Cuddles is laying on your stomach, with his head near your throat, that this image is going to pop into his sweet little 30 pound mind.

Is this what YOU see in the mirror?

No way.

Edit: Note that we did not take any of the above photos. We do not know anyone who owns a Bengal cat, or if we do, they aren’t terribly proud of paying >>$1,000 for a cat. That, or they are too busy working overtime to pay off the loan needed to buy the cat to let us know. Hope this clarifies the “Bengal Cat Confusion”.